When things don’t go to plan…

November 3, 2011 | By | 41 Replies More

This post is going to be a sad one. I am writing it whilst in Germany, a visit that was not planned. –

— I started to write this post early October, but I never made it to the finished product, too many things have been going on. I will try to finish it now though. 😐

For more than 9 months I had been thinking that I would like to go back and visit my parents, but there was always a reason why it didn’t work out at the time. Money, work, kids school, it was my parents turn, I wanted to lose more weight before I went back because I wanted to look great for them… I had all sorts of reasons why I did not go back then. The last time we were over was in July 2009, when I wrote to you about the problem with holidays and weight loss, the health benefits of red wine and the health benefits of chocolate, all blog posts about my visit in Germany at the time.

Well, unfortunately I have found my reason to go back – and I wish I never had. It was the worst possible scenario – and that is that my Dad passed away on 29th September. I got the phone call at around 10:30pm at night, I was sitting at my dining table doing what I am absolutely not supposed to do: eat and read.

When the phone rang, I thought “who on earth is ringing me so late?!?!” but when I answered, I only could hear a silence, and then my Mum: “Well, Petra ….” – and I knew something awful had happened. My mum struggled to get the words out: “Der Papa ist gestorben.”

I nearly lost it right there and then.

I could not believe it, I even told my mum she was making a joke. But it wasn’t. I had not seen my Dad for more than 2 years, and now I am not going to see him ever again. Incomprehensible. Unimaginable.
We had been very close, even though we were so far apart. To think that I will not ever be able to talk to him again, for him not to see his grandchildren grow up, for my Mum to be alone in the future…. just not possible.

My Dad with me and my children

In Germany

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, you might imagine, my weight and maintaining a blog at the moment are quite far from my mind. I hope you will not abandon me in the next few weeks, whilst I am trying to come to terms with what has happened and might not write much in this blog during that time.

I am finishing today with a poem from Hermann Hesse, a German Poet, which I will send on to my Mum tonight (in German) because I hope that she can draw strength from it.

To all of you out there, I can only say – if you want to do something, or see somebody, and you keep putting it off for whatever reason – don’t, or it might be too late. I have to live with the thoughts now that I could have seen him one more time if I wouldn’t have been so vain to put a visit off because of my weight. My Dad would not have cared, anyway!!!!!

Hermann Hesse – “Stufen” – “Steps”

As every flower wilts, and all youth gives way to old age,
Each step on the journey of life blooms.
Each insight, too, and every truth believed in
Flowers in its own time
And may not last for ever.

At every call of life, the heart must be ready to depart
And to start anew.
To be courageous, not full of sorrow,
And then to make new bonds, and new connections.

And in each new beginning dwells a magic, an enchantment,
That protects us
And helps us
To live.

It is essential that we walk and move from one stage of our lives to the next
With joy!
Not to try to grasp and keep hold of a particular one
As we might onto a childhood toy or memory.

The spirit of the world and that of life does not intend to strangle or subdue us.
We are being willed to grow, to broaden, and to live,
Step … by step.

As soon as we become too familiar and comfortable with one particular stage or room,
The energy from it begins to fail.
Only those who are prepared to break camp
And venture forth
Can free themselves from that sapping of energy.

Even when we are at death’s hour,
We may be sent to yet another realm,
New stage,
New step on our way:
Our hearts full of the spirit of adventure,
Youthful again.

Life’s calling to us will never end.

Fare thee well, then, my heart,
Bid your goodbyes;
And life be with you.

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Comments (41)

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  1. Condolence to you and your family…
    [email protected]ør selv ferie´s last blog post ..Hej Verden!

  2. Hi Petra, It is very sad to know that you father has been passed away. I know how does it feel because I have also lost my father a few days earlier. We can do nothing about it. It is the rules of life, if you born, you have to die. I hope you will be able to back into track very soon.
    Mohsin @ 37 items sold out after crisis´s last blog post ..37 Items Sold Out After Crisis – 3 things I learned

    • Petra Weiss says:

      Hi Mohsin, my condolences to you and your family, too! I am so sorry I am only replying now but I have been neglecting my blogs a lot in the past 7 or 8 months, and it is only now that I am trying to get through all the comments that were left for me. I hope you and your family are ok, we are battling on without my dad, I think my mum is suffering the most since she was together with him much more than us. But I know, like you say, its the circle of life…

  3. My condolences to your family.

  4. Appreciate you sharing this personal experience. And thanks for reminding us how we should keep our preoccupation with losing weight in perspective. We should not put our life, our happiness on hold and our love ones waiting until we lose weight.

    Being committed to living healthy shouldn’t supersede our other more important commitments.

    One morning, I even saw a mom who turned away from her 2 yr old son who was running to hug her because she had already turned on all those running gears/app she was wearing for running. It may be an unconscious/unmindful action, but it was surprising…

  5. Very delicate feelings are brought by you with this article. Thank you for the inspiration and assuring that everything will be fine someday. You are wonderful

  6. A sad but good post. Taking of the topic is not so easy, great job done by you. Well done.

  7. malunggay56 says:

    condolence to your family.
    malunggay56´s last blog post ..paleo diet recipes

  8. I am lucky enough to still have both of my parents. I cannot imagine the loss I will feel when they go. I am so sorry for your loss.

  9. Nick says:

    For more than 9 months I had been thinking that I would like to go back and visit my parents, but there was always a reason why it didn’t work out at the time. Money, work, kids school, it was my parents turn, I wanted to lose more weight before I went back because I wanted to look great for them… I had all sorts of reasons why I did not go back then. The last time we were over was in July 2009, when I wrote to you about the problem with holidays and weight loss, the health benefits of red wine and the health benefits of chocolate, all blog posts about my visit in Germany at the time.
    +1

  10. kwengz says:

    Sorry for your loss, I know what it feels to loose a father.Me too, life would never be the same but we have to act as if it is normal when it is not for our love ones who are still with us. Loosing someone is very difficult, you cannot maintain a balance in your life. But still we have to go on with life.
    kwengz´s last blog post ..Hosted PBX Services

  11. spade56 says:

    So sorry to hear that, condolence to you and your family.
    spade56´s last blog post ..Dog Training Collars

  12. Chloe says:

    Condolence..I am really sad for you..I hope even your dad past away you will continue write some blog..Take care always I will pray for your dad soul..
    Chloe´s last blog post ..Cellulite on stomach – How to get rid of it?

  13. Sayson Sharon says:

    I’m sorry for your loss. Condolence to your and your family..
    Sayson Sharon´s last blog post ..Win lottery

  14. Frank says:

    Sorry to hear about your loss Petra. I do remember the posts that you made from Germany the last time when you were there and its so sad to know that you had to go back for this reason. May his soul rest in peace.
    Frank´s last blog post ..Kettlebell Workout Routines and Their Top 3 Benefits.

  15. There is no alternative to parents in this world.It is great loss. My prayers are always with you.
    [email protected] sams´s last blog post ..Good Features of Fantastic Sams

  16. ava21smith says:

    Sad to hear and I now how you feel Petra, may his soul rest in peace.
    ava21smith´s last blog post ..Learning To Deal With Panic Attacks

  17. I do remember the posts that you made from Germany the last time when you were there and its so sad to know that you had to go back for this reason. May his soul rest in peace.

  18. I think this was a big shocking news for you.because your lost your father.i am sorry to hear it.god gives you a power to face this situation.
    [email protected]´s last blog post ..Hyderocortisone

  19. Lisa hcg diet says:

    I read personal blogs with so much interest. I had a great loss but you this is the life. Your all personal experiences are really very touching.

  20. olivia34newton says:

    Sorry to hear a very sad news, Condolence to you and your family.
    olivia34newton´s last blog post ..1300 numbers in Australia

  21. Mena says:

    I’ve only just seen this post and had to comment. So sorry to hear about your loss. I totally hear what you’re saying about not letting things stop us from doing what we want/should be doing. It’s certainly made me re-evaluate a few things that I’ve been putting off too. God bless you and your family.
    Mena´s last blog post ..Fitbit Review

  22. Catherine says:

    Condolence to your family!!May your dad soul rest in peace..
    Catherine´s last blog post ..online investments

  23. Condolence to you as well as for your family. I know what you’re going through right now. It maybe hard on your part because you haven’t seen your father for years and that thing happened. I hope you’ll be fine soon.

  24. Nik says:

    Condolences to you and your family Petra.
    Nik´s last blog post ..12 Pictures To Change Your Life

  25. I was so sorry to hear about your loss. I know it was so unexpected for you. Please accept my sincere sympathy. It is my request to extend my sympathy to your loving MOM. Our prayers will be with your family.

  26. I am sorry for what happen.
    I don’t think about this might happen to me as well.
    But he’s already with God’s embrace.
    My sincere condolences.

    Jetro
    [email protected] vidéo´s last blog post ..Interphone immeuble

  27. I am feeling sad for you. We never lose the people we love, even to death. We find comfort in thinking that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. Condolence to you and your family…
    [email protected] Tips Blog´s last blog post ..Want To Make The Best First Impression? Get Benefits From These Simple Hand Care Tips For Men

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